Fear

I am scared.  I have been burdened to the point of sleepless nights  and restless silent moments of crying out to the One True God in deep despair.  I am not frightened of what I must do and say, it has been made clear to the me through the Holy Scriptures, The Holy Spirit and many other confirming agents used by God to solidify what He has called me to do.  I have known for over a year that this day was coming.  I have thought about the conversation that will shortly occur a thousand time in my head.  It can go a myriad of ways right?  No it can’t.  It can only go one, the way in which the Lord has decreed.  I am frightened because  some small part of me wants to back out of what the Lord has so greatly burdened me to do.  I am frightened that in light of all the Lord has shown me in recent years a part of my soul desires to  let my insecurities and my longing to be accepted and praised by men will overcome my desire to be obedient to God.  I am so weak, I am such a coward at times.  My fear is that I will cower under the pressure and hostility that I may soon face.  I say may, because my prayer for a year is that God would be pleased to allow His Spirit to fall on this place and that true repentance and reconciliation may occur.  I know in my heart the only way that will happen is if the Lord is pleased to do so.  My pride and arrogance and the actions of others are two of the reasons I am writing even now.  I am a needy man, God please help me in my need.

Oh God, grant me the grace to abide in You.

Father cause me to fear and love You more then men.

Give me a contrite heart and the ability to speak in love.

Crush my pride with the cross of your precious Son.

Go before me and straighten my path.

Glorify Your Great Name in this place.

Trapped

It has been to long since I sat down and typed.  My title is how I feel.  Plain and simple.  I have had a hard time lately reading my bible, praying earnestly and loving completely.  There are so many thoughts and emotions gripping my mind and heart.  At the same time I feel utterly depressed with certain facets of my life and overwhelming joyful in the others.  I am so grateful to God for the grace He has bestowed upon a wretch like me, while at the same time continually begging and pleading for Him to move.  I want Him to move simply for His namesake and for the sake of His people.  I see my fellow brothers and sisters struggling with the same type of issues.  We communicate to each other with words and with out, exclaiming with sounds of the mouth  and with simple body gestures “Is this it?  Is this what the Christian life is all about?   What are we doing here”?  There has to be more”  All of these questions have haunted me over the last few months.

Oh God may You move

May you breakthrough

May You humble the hearts of Your people

And call the rest of them home

Be Glorified today

Allow me the grace to see Your glory no matter the way I feel or the circumstances I find myself in.

My Marriage

I am in my 10th year.  By God’s grace alone, don’t  believe me…just ask Jess my wife.  I am going to expound on a few thoughts  from a sermon I heard about marriage, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, so they say, by the way, who are they?  I grew up in the church hearing about these rock solid relationships of holy matrimony.  There were couples old and young who were just so blissfully happy, it seemed amazing and at times nauseating.  As I got older I couldn’t wait to meet my “soul mate” and have all of my God given desires met and fulfilled in this beautiful women the Lord would provide for me.  Man, what a Sap I am,  I should work for Hallmark!!!

As I have aged and began to seek the Lord daily in relation to my relationship with my wife, I have realized that my former views on marriage are obnoxious and down right idiotic.  Marriage is not about me, “Amen” from the Eph. 5:25 women in the balcony, and marriage is not about my wife. It is about Jesus Christ.  It is the way God has  sovereignly chosen to form many of His beloved children.  I  say many because not every Christian has been called to marry.  Marriage is a calling placed on ones life by the immutable, unwavering King of Glory.  It is one of the methods God the Father uses to conform us into the likeness of God the Son.  As I have talked about previously, this almost always has to due with suffering and pain.  Oh gosh, I hope Jess doesn’t read this.  My marriage is by no means a exercise in suffering, but to be totally honest it is the most difficult relationship I have ever been involved in.   This is so because, God’s purpose for marriage is to make me into a man who will love this women and lay down my life for her unconditionally.  My heart is full of deceit and wickedness and CONDITIONS! I am a joy to be around and the life of the party when all of my conditions are being met.   It is extremely easy to be a wonderful husband, and doting father when my conditions are at the center of my relationship with my wife and kids.  What about when my conditions are not being met, at those times I become a man who would more likely be casted for the role in a B list horror flick than a man who pastors students.  Conditional love is evil and is abominable in the sight of the Lord.  It is false love, a love that seeks selfish and self-centered interest above all.  It is not the love displayed on the Cross of Christ.  When He who knew no sin, became sin, so that we might become the righteousness of God in Him.

I by naturehave met not one of God’s conditions.  I have broken every law and command He has ever given.  I was a rebel at birth and still battle sin daily as I try to pursue holiness.  Yet while we were yet a sinners Christ died for the ungodly.  That is the appropriate time for the Amen from the balcony.  I believe the purpose for my marriage is to destroy every condition that I have in my life.  To conform me into the image of Jesus.  I will be honest with you, because most church leaders won’t, in every godly marriage there is pain and suffering which has been purposed and ordained by Almighty God.  Whether it is strife,  sickness,  financial lack or gain,  or the death of loved one, pain and suffering produces conformity to Jesus.  God loves his kids to much to allow them to avoid suffering.  I have been called by God to lay down my life for the women He has so graciously given me.  My marriage has difficulty because that is part of God’s plan for Jess and I.  Because of His immense grace and love He and He alone sustains Jess and I.  He is destroying the barriers and conditions we both have in our lives.

Lastly, I love my wife more than any other human being.  It is my honor and privledge to be her husband.  I want nothing more than to grow old and have great grand kids with her, but if the Lord allows this, there will be much pain and much suffering in the years to come.  My only comfort in this thought… that is just the way God wants it.

Why so sad…

Just one of those times and seasons.  I am truly coping with sadness.  It is not an issue with my family or friends, simple that my heart is saddened by issues I am facing.  Have you ever prayed for something for so long, that you think what is the point of petitioning the Almighty anymore.  I have confidence The Lord will answer, in His time and in His grace.  Knowing this season has been purposed and ordained from on high is my only comfort.  We are often taught, that these times in our lives are because of our disobedience or unbelief.  No I believe at times that can be true, the more I study Scripture, I am beginning to realize that most of these seasons, are given to conform us to the image of Christ.

1 Peter Chapter 2

¹⁹For this is a gracious thing, when, mindful of God, one endures sorrows while suffering unjustly. ²⁰For what credit is it if, when you sin and are beaten for it, you endure? But if when you do good and suffer for it you endure, this is a gracious thing in the sight of God. ²¹For to this you have been called, because Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example, so that you might follow in his steps. ²² He committed no sin, neither was deceit found in his mouth. ²³When he was reviled, he did not revile in return; when he suffered, he did not threaten, but continued entrusting himself to him who judges justly

I am entrusting my self to the One True Judge, the one who will judge all, including myself.  Sadness comes and goes, but the word of the Lord will remain forever.  Thank you Lord for your faithfulness and unconditional love.

When did the cross get so boring?

Why are so many “Christians” so bored with God. As I browse the “Most influential” churches in America…an easy google search, so many look so lost. A majority seem to be doing secular songs for worship, have super hip teaching series like…isearch or Lost or American Idol. My question is when did God become so irrelevant. Is He really only a means to an end for Christians or is He who He proclaims to be in His word. Jesus Christ, His work on the cross is the most amazing thing that has ever happened…period. That is true there is no debate, especially in Christianity. Why then don’t we teach and preach this to the masses from the rooftops. My only answer is that the majority of Christians do not understand how wicked men are, and at the same time fail to realize how Holy and Righteous God is. Jesus stood in my law place and took my death sentence for Himself. He didn’t simply take away my sin, or transform my life or give me peace in a stormy economic season. Christ bore my sin and shame, appeased God’s Holy hatred of my sin, satisfied God’s justice, reconciled me to the One True Living God, and has begun to transform me into His own likeness.

A few verses that have become Oh So precious to me….

2 Corn 5

21 God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.

1Peter 3

18 For Christ died for sins once for all, the righteous for the unrighteous, to bring you to God. He was put to death in the body but made alive by the Spirit

Hebrews 9

11When Christ came as high priest of the good things that are already here, he went through the greater and more perfect tabernacle that is not man-made, that is to say, not a part of this creation. 12He did not enter by means of the blood of goats and calves; but he entered the Most Holy Place once for all by his own blood, having obtained eternal redemption. 13The blood of goats and bulls and the ashes of a heifer sprinkled on those who are ceremonially unclean sanctify them so that they are outwardly clean. 14How much more, then, will the blood of Christ, who through the eternal Spirit offered himself unblemished to God, cleanse our consciences from acts that lead to death, so that we may serve the living God!

Breakfast Time!

With two of my most beloved people on this mud ball called earth. Ashy and Sally(my mom) are going to breakfast. What an awesome thing, just a little snack with people I love. I have grown to cherish every moment I now spend with my mom. She is an awesome, women and my hearth felt prayer is that God would give her heart to His precious son Jesus. I want her to know Christ. I have no eloquent words but those. I will keep praying and keep loving her. After breakfast off to save the world or at least SMCO at the CAD House.

I Am Here!

Blogging is new to me. I hope to do it more than once a month. I want to jot down a few thoughts about life, namely, Jesus Christ. He is life plain and simple. I know many call this foolish, my extended family included, but it is the truth. A thought for today….

1 Corinthians Chapter 1…

18For the word of the cross is folly to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God. 19For it is written,

“I will destroy the wisdom of the wise,
and the discernment of the discerning I will thwart.”

Blessings…